Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just built a hurricane proof home. Because I built it in Minnesota!
←Rate | 09-15-2017 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Notice when you call a 1-800 techical support number you get an assistance operator in India? Wonder when a person in India call for technical support if they get an amercian operator.
←Rate | 09-17-2017 15:15 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 21:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Extra hour of sleep this weekend. I mean, unless you're a parent. Then it's just like, more morning.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your call is very important to us so please enjoy this flute solo for the next 90 minutes
←Rate | 03-26-2017 19:33 by Me E Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
←Rate | 03-02-2017 08:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 13:27 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Politician: one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
←Rate | 07-14-2013 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
←Rate | 04-08-2017 22:46 by XC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.
←Rate | 05-08-2017 22:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
←Rate | 06-03-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 16:08 by BabyD Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's ironic how those who bemoan being judged by their color are now the one's judging folks by their color. 1 |
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:27 by Fact Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who else has this problem? "I want to start eating my meal, but I can't find the perfect TV show to watch while I eat"
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: Turn around Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round. Cop: Turn around! Me: Every.. *gets tased*
←Rate | 05-08-2017 08:10 by Mike c Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 08:50 by Barkley Comments (1)  


   messageicon When Robert E. Lee was in high school, I wonder if he was voted Most Likely to Secede.
←Rate | 07-25-2017 08:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to make a millenial laugh: tell them you have only 22 photos of your entire childhood.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:46 by MarkF Comments (0)  


   messageicon Establish dominance by telling your doctor that you need to lose weight before he tells you that you need to lose weight
←Rate | 03-28-2017 12:46 Comments (0)  



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