SEAN Funny Status Messages



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Page: 15 of 38

   messageicon This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me this morning before work.... "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm already married."
←Rate | 03-02-2017 11:10 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.......
←Rate | 01-12-2012 09:15 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!
←Rate | 11-16-2011 13:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to write a WalMart How to Guide, it will ask questions like 1. Does this shirt make me look like a broken can of Pillsbury biscuits? 2 It's 13 degrees out, should I really wear a long sleeve T, shorts and flip flops?
←Rate | 02-04-2011 13:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
←Rate | 02-19-2014 17:14 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recognizing Cuba, bastion of human oppression, is an insult to our noble allies in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Yemen, Iraq, Pakistan and Texas.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 13:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Minivans with stick figure families let burglars know exactly how many adults, children, dogs, cats, turtles and fish they'll need to tie up.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 10:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a Scion in my rearview mirror I always pull over and let it pass so no one's late to the Hoobastank concert.
←Rate | 10-30-2013 10:42 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yo bro, I wasn't sold on you being a cool dude, but that tint job on your Neon really speaks to me.
←Rate | 07-24-2012 10:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear neighbors, If you hear a lot of screaming and cussing please do not worry and/or call the police. I am cleaning out my garage and have Arachnophobia
←Rate | 06-07-2011 13:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can only assume the next 4 weeks are incredibly difficult for people who's grandmother's were actually run over by reindeer. ..
←Rate | 12-02-2015 06:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...
←Rate | 11-02-2014 22:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
←Rate | 04-14-2011 08:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 17:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a guy standing alone in front of a movie theater, I just want to go up to him and say "She told me to tell you she's not coming."
←Rate | 11-28-2012 16:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have another AWESOME face book status update .
←Rate | 11-07-2011 13:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never seen more than 600 dollars worth of cars in a 7-Eleven parking lot.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 11:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't think my hangover was that bad until I spent 10 minutes logging into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch
←Rate | 02-13-2012 17:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by sean Comments (0)  




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