Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 15 of 6367
Truth is like surgery; it hurts but it heals. A lie is like a painkiller; it gives instant relief but has terrible side effects.
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06-24-2022 01:05
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I need advice…. Never mind, I already did the stupid thing.
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04-18-2022 01:17
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It’s 4/19 - don’t forget to put milk and cookies out for Willie Nelson tonight.
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04-19-2022 13:11
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Planning an exotic vacation with $12.50 in the bank.
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04-20-2022 02:00
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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you’re actually a few million years late. The star is dead, just like your dreams.
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04-21-2022 10:09
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All of us: Ministry of “truth”, inflation, supreme court leak, border crisis, war. Mainstream Media: “Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard.”
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05-11-2022 00:52
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Then the son asked his dad, “I’m still confused. Was I born in a nest or a hive?”
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05-18-2022 00:44
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Woman makes misconduct claim against Elon Musk, like clockwork.
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05-20-2022 05:23
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Land-o-lakes ~ they got rid of the Indian and kept the land.
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05-27-2022 00:14
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There is nothing else to hope for, but for things to get better.
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05-31-2022 00:08
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If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
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06-11-2022 01:43
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Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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06-14-2022 02:54
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If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
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06-16-2022 03:20
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Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
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01-08-2023 17:22
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It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
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01-06-2023 01:58
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You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
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01-10-2023 02:42
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Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.
You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
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06-15-2022 01:43
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Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.
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06-16-2022 03:21
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Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.
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06-18-2022 00:55
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