Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Truth is like surgery; it hurts but it heals. A lie is like a painkiller; it gives instant relief but has terrible side effects.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 01:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need advice…. Never mind, I already did the stupid thing.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s 4/19 - don’t forget to put milk and cookies out for Willie Nelson tonight.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning an exotic vacation with $12.50 in the bank.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you’re actually a few million years late. The star is dead, just like your dreams.
←Rate | 04-21-2022 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of us: Ministry of “truth”, inflation, supreme court leak, border crisis, war. Mainstream Media: “Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard.”
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Then the son asked his dad, “I’m still confused. Was I born in a nest or a hive?”
←Rate | 05-18-2022 00:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woman makes misconduct claim against Elon Musk, like clockwork.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Land-o-lakes ~ they got rid of the Indian and kept the land.
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is nothing else to hope for, but for things to get better.
←Rate | 05-31-2022 00:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:34 by Libtards_Sux Comments (0)  


   messageicon You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  




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