Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to start a support organization for pets that are forced to be emotional supports for humans
←Rate | 02-11-2018 22:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Went to the Valentine's day parade downtown, it was nothing more than a drunk guy wandering around with heart on.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 16:45 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a professional caddy but Tiger Woods should have used a driver.
←Rate | 05-30-2017 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hang out with people you want holding your hand when your heart stops.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 18:08 by Pj Comments (1)  


   messageicon How to make a millenial laugh: tell them you have only 22 photos of your entire childhood.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:46 by MarkF Comments (0)  


   messageicon its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull
←Rate | 12-19-2017 05:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just saw a fox trying to jump-start another fox.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As soon as someone makes a time machine I'm going back to when being fat & pale was a sign of nobility.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
←Rate | 07-29-2017 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babies are participation trophies for men.
←Rate | 08-05-2017 11:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way McGregor could win this fight was if Steve Harvey announced the decision.
←Rate | 08-28-2017 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
←Rate | 06-18-2012 22:16 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you find yourself complaining on your $600 smartphone, put it down and rethink your life.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:36 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are no Walmart stores in Syria, only Targets.
←Rate | 12-28-2017 07:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
←Rate | 01-31-2017 07:39 by Mikey c Comments (1)  


   messageicon If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.
←Rate | 07-03-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
←Rate | 03-09-2017 04:54 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you that think that Jimmy Kimmel is a champion of women’s rights feel free to watch some “Man Show” reruns
←Rate | 10-17-2017 18:17 by cpaman Comments (3)  


   messageicon We all have faults. It's just that mine are better than yours.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:29 by Aerotim Comments (0)  



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