Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Babies are participation trophies for men.
←Rate | 08-05-2017 11:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way McGregor could win this fight was if Steve Harvey announced the decision.
←Rate | 08-28-2017 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just saw a fox trying to jump-start another fox.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
←Rate | 06-18-2012 22:16 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.
←Rate | 07-03-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull
←Rate | 12-19-2017 05:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you that think that Jimmy Kimmel is a champion of women’s rights feel free to watch some “Man Show” reruns
←Rate | 10-17-2017 18:17 by cpaman Comments (3)  


   messageicon If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small B**Bs
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all have faults. It's just that mine are better than yours.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:29 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it's worth.
←Rate | 06-22-2017 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my recliner go way back.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:28 by Aerotim Comments (1)  


   messageicon Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not that I mind the neighbors having a cadaver dog. It's just that it keeps digging in my backyard.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
←Rate | 08-01-2017 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
←Rate | 08-22-2017 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want a sneak preview of the new IPhone 8 just look at your IPhone 7 and pretend it cost $999 more.
←Rate | 09-15-2017 00:24 by Moon Comments (2)  


   messageicon How to make a Millennial laugh: Tell them there was a time when you knew your private information was safe in government hands
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't tickle the dragon unless you're ready for the fire.
←Rate | 09-20-2017 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Gate Rape - An overly intrusive TSA screening at the airport.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 07:10 Comments (0)  



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