Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 149 of 6371
Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.
No person who calls themselves the President of the United States should be on vacation while the world crumbles down around them.
←Rate |
08-15-2021 14:32
Comments (0)
April fool's day idea: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says "Now voice activated!" Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
←Rate |
04-01-2013 06:20 by flinnie
Comments (1)
I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
←Rate |
11-23-2012 16:24
Comments (0)
So Cardi B singing about her WAP is good and Dr Suess is bad. Got it.
←Rate |
03-04-2021 12:33
Comments (0)
A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.
←Rate |
04-22-2021 09:06
Comments (0)
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
←Rate |
01-27-2017 13:49 by gremlinsd
Comments (0)
There are no Walmart stores in Syria, only Targets.
←Rate |
12-28-2017 07:14
Comments (0)
I ran into my ex the other day...hit reverse...and ran into her again.
←Rate |
02-09-2019 17:31 by DaBull
Comments (0)
Yeti has a beer coozie that will keep a beer cold for over an hour. I don't think they understand how beer drinking works.
←Rate |
07-06-2016 12:19
Comments (0)
“I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but… it is 4th of July and I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.
←Rate |
07-04-2012 19:47
Comments (0)
..... The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze .....
←Rate |
08-06-2016 00:51
Comments (0)
It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate |
01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake
Comments (0)
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
←Rate |
04-10-2018 15:38
Comments (0)
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
I wonder if Yoda from Star Wars last name was “Layeehoo”.
←Rate |
09-17-2018 17:35 by Cicci
Comments (0)
Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
←Rate |
07-13-2020 10:02
Comments (0)
Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.
←Rate |
08-10-2020 14:43
Comments (0)
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He asked “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer is a fat bald man and Marge has blue hair.”
←Rate |
02-28-2019 10:22 by DJ
Comments (0)
writing, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book wrong?
←Rate |
04-05-2019 08:56
Comments (0)