Aaron Funny Status Messages

   can't seem to remember to forget you

   Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.

   Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.

   No, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak welfare.

   Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

   A save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"

   Scientists say we use only 10% of our brain. Imagine how much better the world would be if we started using the other 60%.

   I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.

   I killed my twin because he wouldn't admit that he was the evil one.

   Loving someone means never killing them even if you hear scratchy, high pitched demon voices telling you "it must be done."

   How I eat my ramen: 1. Boil water 2. Eat dry ramen noodle block 3. Drink boiling water 4. Snort seasoning packet 5. Cry myself to sleep

   I never use parking meters. The "time expired" sign gives me the creeps.

   I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.

   People who hate hand gestures: I salute you.

   Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?

   My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

   I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing.

   Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so

   I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.