SEAN Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand why I get strange looks from dudes at the gym when I ask'em to spot me. Not my fault I can't reach my back in the shower.

   No one is as ugly as their drivers license pic or as hot as their Facebook profile pic.

   I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him.

   Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.

   Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.

   Chris Brown is adding vocals from Aaliyah to his new song. Congratulations on making a plane crash the 2nd worst thing to happen to Aaliyah.

   I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people.

   Every cab is the cash cab if you've got a gun.

   My wife's like a Magic 8-ball. If you keep shaking her, She will eventually give you the answer you want.

   I'm not just hungry...I'm Oprah hungry.....

   Recent statistics show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian Roulette

   The saddest bachelor parties are the ones where they didn't realize the girl goes in the cake AFTER it's baked.

   Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing him.

   The next Fast and the Furious should just be two hours of a guy doing steroids inside of a Nissan Cube.

   If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side in the middle of the night...

   Those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting.

   What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.

   My wife just asked me if I noticed anything different about her hair, so took the easy way out and did a triple backflip into a volcano.

   Im not saying you are a $lut but you were fired from the $perm bank for drinking on the job.......

   A fun thing to do to a friend that was drinking and driving is to put a sneaker on the windshield wiper the next morning.