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X Dear Catholic Church, the rhythm method is fine,,, but what about something for us white guys?
X Here we go... Very good... You're doing a great job of reading this post... Just passed the middle... Nearly there... Wonderful job... All done... And like it!
X "Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.
X Awww.... It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..
X One thing I've learned about myself after all this time on Facebook is that I have no idea how to use a comma.
X Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?
X I'm no architect,,, but I DON'T think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.
X Did you know ?? If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.... Medical fact.
X Note to self: Feed lots of Mayo to the tuna first,,,,,,THEN butcher.
X I eat my peas with honey.. I dun it all my life.. It makes the peas taste funny.. But it keeps them on my knife.
X I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it.
X So I'm in line at Walgreens,,, The lady ahead of me turns around & whispers to me she has diarrhea. Apparently,, I have a "Tell me if you have diarrhea" face..
X Hey Girls,,, When a guy says "I'm listening",, what he means is "I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd be unstoppable".
X You'd think the crescent roll's packages would have a warning like: May blow your hand off if opened correctly.
X Well APPARENTLY,,,, baby powder + water does not make a baby................... Myth,, BUSTED...
X My girlfriend left me after I broke her wheelchair..... Oh,, I think she'll come crawling back soon..
X My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
X Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?
X So this midget walks into a mini bar........
X Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.