Snotty Funny Status Messages
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Hey dad, where are mountain lions from?... *dad panics*... Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
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09-28-2014 22:03 by snotty
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Accidentally used my credit card instead of my hotel pass key and now I apparently own this whole building.
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07-29-2015 21:20 by snotty
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One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
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10-27-2013 20:24 by snotty
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The Burger King mascot, and the KFC mascot walk into a bar.... Everyone leaves because they're so creeped out.
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07-21-2015 20:55 by snotty
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Hey Canada,,, Are you sure those were YOUR geese?.. They weren't as polite and well mannered as I would expect
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01-14-2013 15:23 by snotty
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"What I want is to do is combine the laziness of cooking at home with the high price of eating out!" - The inventor of the Wedge Salad
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06-27-2013 16:13 by snotty
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I'm just going to keep letting animals bite me until I get super powers.
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10-05-2013 18:48 by snotty
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*Shows up late for first day of new job... *Blames it on rush hour...*Shows up late for second day of new job... *Blames it on Rush Hour 2
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09-26-2014 22:57 by snotty
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I just turned my desktop keyboard upside down, shook it, and a taco salad fell out... Well, at least it tasted like a taco salad.
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03-10-2015 21:03 by snotty
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The Dallas Cowboys say they're not intimidated by Peyton Manning... They also said they are not really sure what "intimidated" means.
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10-03-2013 19:45 by snotty
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I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..
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02-13-2013 11:45 by snotty
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( last meal on death row ) "Parmigian cheese?" . . . *I nod. . . "Say when". . . * I wink at camera. . .
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03-11-2016 20:08 by snotty
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My dog says my job is to always rub his back,, and violates OSHA law by not letting me take breaks.
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04-28-2016 20:28 by Snotty
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BREAKING NEWS: Over 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire.
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08-29-2013 13:26 by snotty
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Honey I shrunk the kids' college savings,,, and bet on a pure bred horse
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09-29-2013 19:01 by snotty
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screwed up the settings on my 4D printer,, and now there's a scale model of the Death Star somewhere in 1674.
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12-03-2015 12:42 by snotty
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That's ok about the cancellation,, Cuz I went on a date with a dolphin today,, Yeah, we just clicked.
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12-04-2015 20:26 by snotty
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"What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.
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05-26-2015 23:06 by snotty
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COP: can you describe the man that attacked you?..... TEACHER: I don't know, CAN I describe him?...... COP: *heavy sigh* MAY you describe him
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08-29-2015 19:34 by snotty
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True story: I saw 2 fat guys get in a shoving fight at the donut shop this morning.... Also true: I kept yelling "use your diabetes on him!!"
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04-21-2013 19:09 by snotty
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