Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Hey dad, where are mountain lions from?... *dad panics*... Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
←Rate | 09-28-2014 22:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally used my credit card instead of my hotel pass key and now I apparently own this whole building.
←Rate | 07-29-2015 21:20 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
←Rate | 10-27-2013 20:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Burger King mascot, and the KFC mascot walk into a bar.... Everyone leaves because they're so creeped out.
←Rate | 07-21-2015 20:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Canada,,, Are you sure those were YOUR geese?.. They weren't as polite and well mannered as I would expect
←Rate | 01-14-2013 15:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What I want is to do is combine the laziness of cooking at home with the high price of eating out!" - The inventor of the Wedge Salad
←Rate | 06-27-2013 16:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just going to keep letting animals bite me until I get super powers.
←Rate | 10-05-2013 18:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Shows up late for first day of new job... *Blames it on rush hour...*Shows up late for second day of new job... *Blames it on Rush Hour 2
←Rate | 09-26-2014 22:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just turned my desktop keyboard upside down, shook it, and a taco salad fell out... Well, at least it tasted like a taco salad.
←Rate | 03-10-2015 21:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dallas Cowboys say they're not intimidated by Peyton Manning... They also said they are not really sure what "intimidated" means.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 19:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..
←Rate | 02-13-2013 11:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon ( last meal on death row ) "Parmigian cheese?" . . . *I nod. . . "Say when". . . * I wink at camera. . .
←Rate | 03-11-2016 20:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog says my job is to always rub his back,, and violates OSHA law by not letting me take breaks.
←Rate | 04-28-2016 20:28 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Over 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire.
←Rate | 08-29-2013 13:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey I shrunk the kids' college savings,,, and bet on a pure bred horse
←Rate | 09-29-2013 19:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon screwed up the settings on my 4D printer,, and now there's a scale model of the Death Star somewhere in 1674.
←Rate | 12-03-2015 12:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon That's ok about the cancellation,, Cuz I went on a date with a dolphin today,, Yeah, we just clicked.
←Rate | 12-04-2015 20:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.
←Rate | 05-26-2015 23:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon COP: can you describe the man that attacked you?..... TEACHER: I don't know, CAN I describe him?...... COP: *heavy sigh* MAY you describe him
←Rate | 08-29-2015 19:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon True story: I saw 2 fat guys get in a shoving fight at the donut shop this morning.... Also true: I kept yelling "use your diabetes on him!!"
←Rate | 04-21-2013 19:09 by snotty Comments (0)  




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