bego Funny Status Messages

   Teacher: Get out a sheet of paper. Student: LOOK AT ME NOW! Teacher: Excuse me? Student: I'm GETTIN' PAPERRRR!

   A girls r like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   Drugs don't ruin your career. Drug tests do.

   Ladies, most of the time us guy are like placemats. We only show up when there's food on the table.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Gossip is usually planted with the hopes that it will spread.

   The 3 worst words to hear right now..."Tomorrow is Monday"

   Seriously guys , she didn't slap me on the face for calling her a b**ch, its just that I forgot to raise my hand when she wants to high five with me.

   Shut up sl$t, my showers last longer than your relationships.

   Dudes that are upset because instagram is now available on Android are prolly the same dudes who pees while sitting down.

   watches Sunday football with you all day... Wife that girl.

   Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.

   True Freedom: Taking a dump with the door open.

   Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED.

   I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?

   My girlfriend said she gives up and can't see me anymore. I am amazing at hide and go seek.

   If you had to guess how many times I've visited your Facebook profile what would you say?

   Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

   Three things cannot be long hidden …… The sun, The moon and The truth.

   Ugly chiks with cute kids should get charged with kidnapping... Bit& that aint yo baby!!