Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You are not designed for everyone to like you. You're not pizza.

   I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults.

   Looking forward to a nice English summer. Blue skies, warm and sunny. Should be a nice couple of days....

   I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.

   Any sandwich is a panini if you sit on it.

   n't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

   I assume when a restaurant says it's "homestyle," I'll be eating my meal over a sink.

   Relationship status: Taken (for granted)

   Hackers breaking in to old MySpace accounts seems about as pointless as breaking in to an old Blockbuster store.

   I just want to be rich enough that I can buy my furniture already assembled.

   Dogs Barking at Night Translated -- Dog 1: Hey! I’m a dog! Dog 2: No way! I, too, am a dog! Dog 3: Ok, you guys aren't going to believe this...

   .... Just got rid of 200lbs of ugly fat ..... Got divorced.

   If you build it they will come is why I don't build anything.

   4 new elements have been added to the periodic table. Adding to the list of things you won't retain from high school.

   Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

   I don't have any room in my heart for you, but I do have space for you in my trunk.

   I'm clingy, but not " Simon Cowell's t-shirt" clingy.

   Why do girls associate their selfies with a deep yet irrelevant quote? I do not understand the correlation

   Babies are a receipt that you've had sex..

   Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.