bego Funny Status Messages

   What the hell is up with "Fun sized" candy? There is nothing fun about less candy.

   If you google “MySpace” your computer will ask “Are you serious right now?”

   Dares you to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR STATE FARM IS THERE!"

   Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages.

   Being afraid of North Korea is like calling the FBI because someone threatened you in a YouTube comment.

   Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a women asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ

   I hate when I walk into Abercrombie and Fitch and I see pictures of me, all over their walls..

   Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.

   Life's too short to go to bed early

   Its not you I'm rejecting Its my heart I'm protecting

   All successful people have had plans that failed, but none have ever failed to plan.

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible.

   Here lies Eddie Drake, he stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

   The illbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 am and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart.

   Facebook is a like real life in that I don't think of the witty reply until 5 or 6 days after the conversation happened.

   If ‘real life' was really that great, Facebook wouldn't be so darn addictive.

   I see by your Facebook bio that you're into crafts, blogging, windmills, cats, food, earwax, wine, jazz, God, gaming. ME TOO!

   WOW!!!! Gas is $3.85 what happened to $3.99? I can finally stop getting money out of my savings just to get gas

   I have lived through death of Michael Jackson, first black president, Royal Wedding and Osama's death. My life's a fuc?ing history book.

   Having a dog as a friend better than having a friend as a dog ....