Aaron Funny Status Messages

   People who spread their germs make me sick.

   I have no super powers. I'm guessing I'm the villain.

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?

   I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.

   Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.

   For a lion to be a cannibal, he must first, swallow his pride.

   I stopped listening somewhere around the third grade.

   My arm fell asleep again. Time to draw a mustache on it.

   After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.

   I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.

   Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.

   Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

   We were making out on the couch and She's like "Let's take this upstairs" I'm like "Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"

   "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"

   Dont think about tomorrow because thats when the judge starts using the term premeditated.

   You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?

   Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

   Can you believe this guy, officer? Committing suicide in my trunk without my permission. There should be some kind of law about this.

   When comforting someone who is illiterate, I always say softly, "There, their, they're."

   I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food's food!