Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 13 of 6367

   messageicon Keep your relationship fresh by writing each other love notes like, “I considered murdering you whilst ye slumbered in yon bedchambers.”
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would call you an idiot, but that would be insulting to idiots.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendship is being there when someone is feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son: “Dad, there’s a monster in my room, can I sleep in here?” Dad: Look, it’s you he’s after, why make it my problem too.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was sad, so I showed her my boobs. Apparently, that doesn’t work both ways.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just gave me half a peace sign, that’s weird.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a crush on 28 of you, figure it out.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats have 32 muscles in each ear to help them ignore you.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon God Bless Rednecks! Merica!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it REALLY works.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m sorry for the things my face said while you were talking.
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you pull up a power point presentation to show your cat how fat it is.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If liar’s pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more interesting.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies show that cats understand human commands, but don’t care to follow them.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m old enough to remember when paper bags were blamed for the destruction of trees and plastic bags were the solution.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mercury is in reverse cowgirl again.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:50 Comments (0)  




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