Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 13 of 6388
Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.
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05-15-2022 02:45
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When the food is so good you accidentally overeat to the point that you’re afraid you might die.
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07-25-2022 00:56
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Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
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01-12-2023 00:22
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Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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07-07-2022 00:53
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You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
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01-23-2023 03:39
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Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.
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05-13-2022 03:07
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Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.
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05-22-2022 03:43
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Are you free tomorrow? Her: No, I’m expensive.
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06-08-2022 01:38
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Some girls will claim “he’s my world,” but that’s your fourth “world” this month. Are you building a solar system?
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06-08-2022 20:30
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Careful creampuff, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings.
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06-10-2022 01:42
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Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.
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06-10-2022 04:20
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I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
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06-16-2022 03:18
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We thought that our ability for compassion made us human. Turns out, it was our ability to select each image containing a boat.
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04-19-2022 11:14
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Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
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01-07-2023 13:34
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Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
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01-08-2023 01:43
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My wish for 2023 is that nothing unprecedented, historic, or once in a lifetime happens.
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01-12-2023 00:29
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Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
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01-08-2023 16:19
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My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
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01-08-2023 17:23
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Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
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01-18-2023 01:03
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