Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals you probably shouldn't invite me over.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take my irresponsibilities seriously.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend's dog is tough. I interrogated him for over an hour and he still wouldn't tell me who's a good boy.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FIFA refs should issue pink cards for flopping.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's get married. Whoever gets out with their soul wins.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but in some circles I am known as “That chick who always knocks stuff over.”
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the Beastie Boys were really close because they would finish each other’s sentences.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the first time I went into another room an actually remembered why I went there...... Ok so it was the bathroom but still I remembered.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 22:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life is like when you're holding your laundry and a sock falls and you go to pick it up and two more fall and eventually everything is on the floor.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That annoying moment when you cannot find the long side of your blanket.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
←Rate | 09-12-2018 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 08:20 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  




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