Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 13 of 6388

   messageicon Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the food is so good you accidentally overeat to the point that you’re afraid you might die.
←Rate | 07-25-2022 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you free tomorrow? Her: No, I’m expensive.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some girls will claim “he’s my world,” but that’s your fourth “world” this month. Are you building a solar system?
←Rate | 06-08-2022 20:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Careful creampuff, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 04:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We thought that our ability for compassion made us human. Turns out, it was our ability to select each image containing a boat.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wish for 2023 is that nothing unprecedented, historic, or once in a lifetime happens.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:03 Comments (0)  




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