SEAN Funny Status Messages

   I'm the first one to admit when I'm I'm wrong. I just never is.

   My smart phone has a lot of capabilities, but none as valuable as being able to pretend I'm on it when I run into someone I know in public.

   I'm putting a goal line around my house to keep Ryan Leaf from getting in.

   Found an old playboy from the 70's last night, I wonder why they didnt call it hair club for men...

   I wonder if the Def Lepard version of Rock Band will come with only one drum stick?...what...too soon?

   Me: Hey, you want some oysters? Him: No thanks. I'm Jewish. Me: Oh don't worry they're free.

   I dress for success because getting dressed is the most successful thing I do all day.

   I like to go on OK Cupid and find the worst possible matches for myself and message them being like "We can make this work."

   Pro tip; If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap.

   I look in a mirror and wonder what became of the eager, wide-eyed boy with the world in front of him, then figure by the size of me I ate him.

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!

   Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Nothing says you're out of shape like getting winded while vacuuming.

   The guy who invented "Take Your Child To Work Day" probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.

   I have a slight cold, so let me know if you need my address to send sympathy cards.

   I will be the first rapper to rap about the troubles of programming a spare Garage Door Opener remote.

   I think it's pretty awesome to be overweight, because I can usually foil any trapdoor plans