jitney Funny Status Messages

   Please stop inviting me to play CANDY CRUSH I'm type 2 Diabetic & I'm watching my sugar!!!

   definition of Irony: Pizza & beer with my awesome wife watching Hell'sKitchen Kitchen!!!!

   Leaving work for lunch.....hmmm...wait a minute....What the helll am I talking about....I dont even have a job.

   I hate when people asks me: What happened to the sweet old you? Well B**chhhes like you killed it!!

   "Knock knock", "who's there?", "Weekend", "Weekend who?", "We can wish it was the weekend, but its MOnday!"

   you've got to walk through the door of uncertainty in order to get your punishment or reward,depending on how you look at it....

   I hear a bunch of weird animals, beeps, and clicking. Wish me luck people, I'm going into walmart......

   Im sitting on the bus minding my own business, until I pull out my Ipad...Long story short, I have 20 extra friends playing candy crush with me now!

   It only two dangling thingys and I still dont know which one to pull....-ceiling fans all over the world!

   Wanna get homeless people excercise and running?....Tell em "FREE SHOES"

   Did you ever think just maybe...just maybe... that the shark attacked you cuz you in his kitchen? Its not like he comes inside your house and swims in your kitchen,... and if that ever happened its called "Tuna Surprise Dinner!"

   A wife turned down an offer to bury her husband in the Holy Land for $75. When asked why she paid $17,000 to buried him in the US, she said, "she heard a story of a Man who was ressurected back in the day!"

   Anyone knows how taco shells make it through days on a shelf of a warehouse without breaking, but as soon as it ends up on my plate with some meat in it, it falls apart into pieces? (-__-)

   if you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.

   Just like the Government....I feel shut-down when my wife talks too much too....

   The New TV show the "HOSTAGE" should of been about how government hold its Citizens hostage....Oh wait a minute... isnt it?

   Its not enough to just be in a relationship, now you have to state what type too? FB is out of control!!! What the heck is a open domestic partnership? That's just pimping ....

   The Scariest thing I saw on Halloween is the Dolphins playing the Bengals!

   Repaired a vacuum the other day. It was easy,,, I just stuck one of Obamacare.org sticker on it... Now it sucks just fine

   since when did "Thats above my pay grade...." has become the acceptable answer at Mcdonalds?