Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   So orphans only have 9 commandments to deal with?

   I feel bad for deaf people until I remember Justin Bierber.

   Sex is awesome as long as you don't accidenatlly catch or create anything.

   Lots of woman stay in relationships just to have somebody around to kill spiders and open jars.

   Dating was never my strong point because I've always been really good at getting laid.

   I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy.

   One time at a job interview, I was asked: "What can you bring to this company?" I told them: "paper clips, lots of paper clips"

   On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.

   You need a woman whose last name doesn't end in .jpg, .wmv, or .mpg

   Told my wife today she looked sexy with black fingernails Now she thinks I slammed the car door on them on purpose !!!!!

   She lost her virginity in a high-stakes game of Just the Tip.

   Everyone is addicted to something that takes away the pain.

   We only stalk the ones we love.

   I can tell by the way you give me instructions that you've dealt with a lot of dumb people before me.

   My wife is upset, apparently I'm breathing wrong again.

   The only time I can't hold my liquor is when I have a bong in one hand and a lighter in the other.

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   The most humbling, terrifying, self-reflective moment in a man's life is when he realizes his beautiful daughter is attached to a v@gina.

   The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a phone call from the wife.

   Might love you quicker if you bring me more Liquor.