jitney Funny Status Messages

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   If you are speaking sign language but you have parkinsons, is that considered stuttering?

   Finally got a kiss at my favorite spot......Thanks Herseys!

   It's Siri's time off the month again....she's acting mad and wont answer anything

   it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew

   Well unfortunately this year again, I didnt get to buy any kid's gift on Black Friday. So I'm getting them the usual Xmas present. A big pack of batteries and attach a card to it that says "Toys not Included"..... It's the thought that counts right?

   I never responded to your foolishness because I still have what you don't want me to have!

   First jokess are in..... Why did the referee forget to ask the teams head or tails before the coin toss?.....stay tune!

   Careful what you write on my FB. My wonderful, charming, brilliant boss reads everyone's email and st@tus Commments! Even if your not his friends he is always on top of things, such a wonderful boss!.....

   I have a dream, that I could just get paid for having a dream.

   The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   I hate it when me and my subconscious is having a heated debate...and just when I come up with good comebacks, it thinks up a even better one! I thought about drinking on Friday, subconscious said "how about now!".... good one!

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   Dog Commercials during the superbowl are the funniest. I'm going to sign my dog for acting classes. At least they be more greatful than those hamsters I sent, who drove of in my KIA.

   Kermit the frog puppets sales are up......but that's none of my business tho!

   We should probably get ready for the Celebrity Plea for Donation....like they cant flip the bill themselves...

   Bad Timing: When the girl who had a crush on me for 2yrs, sneaks up behind me and gives me a hug right when I just farted! !

   Too many girls put me in the friends zone, I've got to take myself out. Its not going to be a safe haven to long. "The friend zone: where good soldiers go to die."

   Florida's Zombie, Florida's Zimmerman, Florida's Laws, and Florida's Heat Team....sounds like Floridans are leading the chart in the Funny