huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon New rule: unless you punched a shark in the face to dislodge that tooth, you’re not allowed to wear it on a necklace
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:34 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon he instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 04:42 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was planning on being productive today until I heard Rump Shaker on the radio. Now all I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom zoom-zoom in a boom-boom.
←Rate | 01-04-2013 05:57 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon "When I was a kid, we didn't even HAVE the internet!" is the new "I had to walk to school uphill, BOTH WAYS!"
←Rate | 11-20-2012 06:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My bologna had a first name, but his adoptive parents changed it. If you're reading this, Oscar, just know: not a day goes by I don't think of you.
←Rate | 04-21-2014 13:01 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Worst thing about strip clubs is the women totally hog the poles. Maybe I'm really good! At least give me a turn.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 17:10 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn't socially acceptable for some reason.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:30 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wild horses could drag me away from anything. They're wild horses. The more important question is: who tied me to these wild horses?
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:55 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like "awesome"
←Rate | 09-26-2013 05:36 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t think of it as eating grapes, I think of it as preventing future raisins. Some call me a hero.
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:34 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm 38 and I have no clue what AM or PM stands for. Nice job, public school system!
←Rate | 07-12-2012 09:29 by Huck Comments (2)  

   messageicon "OK...that Trust Exercise didn't go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let's keep quiet about this...AS A TEAM!"
←Rate | 12-06-2014 07:01 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon The jobs report is so bad Obama should fire somebody, but that would only add to the problem.
←Rate | 02-08-2014 05:56 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My car is making an odd noise right now, but I treat my car problems like my emotional problems, ignore them until a breakdown.
←Rate | 04-21-2013 07:14 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to my horoscope, I'm going to get rich today. According to my Youtube comments, I'm a "douche." Life is confusing.
←Rate | 09-21-2012 00:08 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I'm not sure whether to believe this or not.
←Rate | 09-22-2013 06:58 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reportedly, there are many trucking jobs that no one wants. Attn trucking Industry: make trucking more like the battle at the end of Mad Max II.
←Rate | 07-25-2012 05:22 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't worry about walking a mile in my shoes. Just try spending a day thinking in my head.
←Rate | 05-17-2015 13:34 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cringing in regret is my cardio
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:57 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 11:59 by huck Comments (0)  

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