bego Funny Status Messages

   You can spend 7 bucks on a 6 pack of Bud Light or you can just take a piss in your mouth for free.

   My ex left me for some balding, over-weight, less intelligent, less attractive, less financial secure person.

   My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

   I'm not talking about Facebook, I want to know how to block you in real life.

   call me a weasel, a coward or a jerk but whenever I am feelin smothered, manipulated, controlled, used, trapped or suffocating in a relationship I always bail out.

   Girls are superheros cause who else could bleed for 5 days and not die!?

   You're really not as bad as people say. You're much, much worse.

   Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, Dead

   Every weekend I participate in a liquid cleanse diet... with beer.

   Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate.

   Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

   Spending quality time with the people that really matter reminds me of who I am and recharges my love, hope and drive. I'm forever grateful.

   Apparently you shouldn't ever answer a girl's text message with “k.” Bad idea.

   Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

   I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to him for no apparent reason

   Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall.

   When I am home alone and I hear a noise, I freeze and listen.

   11:11 I wish- 11:12 OMG I wasn't finished!

   I will stop drinking when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water. Get the hint?

   "I Love You just the Way You Are" is the best compliment ever.