bego Funny Status Messages

   When you poke someone on facebook, where exactly are you supposed to be poking them ?

   Turkeys don't think Thanksgiving is very funny.

   2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically attractive and I am aware of this statement.

   Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends'.

   1 new message: runs for phone, jumps over sofa, runs a marathon, swims Atlantic ocean, pushes mom out the way. grabs phone...."k" FUUUUUUU!

   If girls could read my mind, I'd would get punched in the face a lot.

   Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.

   The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being.

   girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old s?it

   Just because I send you to voicemail doesn't mean that I want you to leave me one.

   A 15 year-old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.

   Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling “I LOVE YOU!”

   Did you ever notice how a woman's “I'll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I'll be home in 5min” are one and the same?

   Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?

   There is never a GOOD way to say BYE.

   Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

   No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas?

   GAGA: So famous, even babies know her name .