snotty Funny Status Messages

   I apologize sir, but we're all out of Mohicans.

   I'm also not a JETS fan,,, but on E-Bay, If I ever see a old, used,, Dirty Sanchez jersey,, I'm TOTALLY buying that too....

   BTW,, I won't walk a mile even in my own friggin shoes,,,, So,,

   Everytime I give blood,,, they asking where I got it..

   NEWS FLASH: The Bush's baked beans dog finally speaks out, says dogs actually hate Sarah McLachlan.

   "I'm not mad." - My wife when she's mad,,, Well,, actually EVERY woman when she's mad

   It's been a while,,,,, Has Bono EVER found,,,, What he's looking for?

   Pick a number between 6 and 6 that represents the number of doughnuts I have had today.

   Hey,,,I say stuff, you should say stuff with me,, and then we'll have fun... M-kay?

   I just changed my voicemail greeting to “Seriously?”

   I just introduced a guy wearing a hoodie with shorts, to a guy wearing a vest... They're fighting... Umm Wait,, That's actually making out, they're making out.

   My favorite dinosaurs were the carbivores... You never hear about them because they went extinct before the others,,, You know cuz,, like all the gluten and such...

   Felt good to get back to work after the long holiday and get back to my regular pooping schedule.

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.

   I don't want to seem like a snob,,, but I was the only one to not use a coupon for our Mothers day lunch..

   FOUND CAT: Orange tabby found off River rd. yesterday,,, Approximately 8 lbs,,, No collar,,, Tasted like chicken. .. Please call 892-****

   Well, One place that HASN'T recovered from the financial recession is Atlantis,,, I came back from a visit last week and sadly,, most every house I saw ,,,, Still entirely underwater

   I've time traveled almost an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating too much pizza, but every time,, future me just joins past me in eating it*

   Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer

   BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump