bego Funny Status Messages

   When the zombie apocalypse happens, gamers will survive. It will be up to the dorks to reproduce... they will finally get laid!

   Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 7 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide.

   Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of big regret and big hangover for Sunday.

   Teach your kids about taxes and social security by taking 30% of their Halloween candy and promising to give part of back in 70 Years..

   when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery

   hroughout the shutdown if you need someone to ignore your basic needs while taking a sizable percentage of your earnings, I’m here for you.

   Because of the poor economy, we couldn't afford fireworks.  The only snap, crackle, and pop at our house yesterday was when I poured milk on a bowl of Rice Krispies.

   I laugh when someone I just met gets mad at me and expects me to care. Like, wtf. I don't give a s**t about you! I don't even know you!

   *Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments..

   Today I was pulled over by a woman cop... I didn't know kitchens had speed limits

   B&tch, why the fu&k you coming over if you on your period? Save your gas!

   R.I.P To everyone who didn't make it to this Thanksgiving, I hope their families will be strong & have fun for them.

   People say weed smokers are lazy. Well guess what as*holes, the blunt doesn't pass it self. And it sure isn't rolling it self.

   apparently people dont like it when I tell the truth.... well honestly IDGAF!! :)

   I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles tomorrow morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop like some of you guys.

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   Open Google Maps (Get Directions) 2: Type China as your starting point 3: Type Taiwan as your destination. 4: Read step 48

   Admit it, we've all tried to splash water in our face like the commercials.