bego Funny Status Messages

   Once these h$es realize 1+1= 2 and NOT 3 the world will be a better place.

   Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!

   It’s ridiculous how so much of your future depends on how successful you are as a teenager.

   Please don't let anyone come over here, please don't let anyone come over here" - me after I fart

   There are people who are only alive thanks to the fact that killing is illegal

   Boy: "You're like summer." Girl: "Awww hot?" Boy: "Nope, no class."

   I never feel as much panic as I do when the cashier asks me if I have their member card yet.

   a LEADER, not a follower... But if we're walking into a creepy dark place, SCREW THAT! You're going first!

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   It’s crazy that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer, it’s “art” and “music”…. but if I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot

   I need Google in my brain and Anti-Virus in my heart.

   Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. I say, a case a day is good for the memory, it helps you forget all the as$holes around you!

   Some people can kill two birds with one stone.... I on the other hand can kill 2 pigs with one bird!

   Every Saturday morning I wake up in fear... the fear of looking through my phone.

   I hate it when they call you from someone else's phone And you answered it

   Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time, just to see if it's all worth it in relationship that we have..

   Happy unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day.

   You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.

   wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.

   I hate it when websites ask me, "Are you a human?" It's like, no, I'm a freakin' unicorn.