BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I have many talents… For example: Sleeping…and Eating…and damn Drinking!

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity.

   Mondays are Sunday's poop.

   Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.

   Strange how I'm only on Facebook when I'm on the toilet... I'm literally giving a s$it while reading stuff I don't give a s$it about.

   My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough.

   Listen to what girls say when they're angry... That's when the truth comes out.

   Facebook needs these 3 buttons: “Dislike”, “Who cares”, “Are you an idiot?”

   LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.

   R.I.P. to all my ex's.. The funeral will be held at "Never Again Christian Church" On the corner of "I'm done Road" & "F*ck you Avenue"

   Do you ever wake up and just say "nope" and then roll over and go back to sleep

   "When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary

   The look on the cashiers face when a fat girl purchases leggings.

   I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

   DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮￦￡." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Damn Aspirin."

   Ladies, if you can't be with your crush... always look fabulous. someday he may wanna be with YOU!

   Dear Someone: I miss you so damn much!

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best.