bego Funny Status Messages

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.

   Instead of Valentine's Day we should change it to Forever Alone Day

   Love starts with "You are different" & ends with "you are all the same"

   next time my name is in your mouth I hope you choke on it ass =)

   During a speech at Columbia University, founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said his rival at Apple, Steve Jobs, has done a fantastic job. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted. :)

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it

   During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the f$ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

   Ladies, if you suspect your man of cheating and you know where the "mystery" woman lives... drive by the house and if the WiFi connects you have your answer.

   After I die, there are some girls on facebook I’m going to haunt the s&it out of.

   Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

   ny psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.

   Yo Bit&h, Of course I'm sorry about your problem. Just like the other 1,536 of your friends that keep reading about it. Trust me... we're ALL sorry for reading it!

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   Other people: Wow what a perfect morning for a run! Me: Wow what a perfect morning to go the hell back to sleep.

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   Why even hit on chicks this weekend? I've already been fuc$ed once this week by gas prices.

   ■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late.

   I know what love is..Thats like someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a damn cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.