bego Funny Status Messages

   There's nothing like celebrating America's independence by spending hundreds of dollars on Chinese fireworks.

   I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.

   Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.

   Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I’d turn the radio down.

   One of the most important things I've learned in life is to have at least one person with whom you never need to explain yourself.

   Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make paper, then write “SAVE TREES” on them.

   We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.

   When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"

   Try this for fun: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "Sorry for the damage." Watching them is priceless.

   Think women are the weaker sex? Try pulling the blankets back to your side.

   My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

   I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.

   Love in 2013 means answering each other’s texts immediately.

   FACT: Relationships last longer when everybody doesnt know your business

   People who take pictures of them with tons of money and post them on Facebook…………. have no money.

   Irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull out" couch.

   My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom.

   Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

   To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.

   TIP OF THE DAY: If you can't afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.