Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   If you think chocolate is better than sex,you really need to find that special someone. If you have already met someone special and STILL believe it,i seriously need to know what kind of chocolate you're eating!

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.

   I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool… to poke a Hontas.

   ..is drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   A survey taken showed that 50% of people described sex as a "deep,meaningful,soul-bonding act of showing eternal love to your partner". The other 50% were men.

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

   Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.

   I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

   What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male Fraud.

   Habits, babies, and promises. All are way easier to make than keep

   When nudists put on a play, do they argue about who has the biggest part?

   ..this warm weather brings out the worst in people. Like B.O.,unkept feet and whale thongs . Shudder.

   Tomorrow Facebook will change its settings to allow zombies to come into your house while you sleep & eat your brains with a sharpened spoon. To stop this from happening go to Accounts/Home Invasion Settings/Cannibalism/Brains & un-check the "Tasty" box.

   i renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

   Weekends are like rainbows: they look great from a distance but seem to disappear when you get close to them.

   very temperamental - 50% temper and 50% mental.

   February. It's not a leap year, but feel free to take a flying one anyway.