SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don't need it to add up all the ladies you get....
←Rate | 07-18-2012 13:15 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon With proper application of LSD, any horse can talk like Mr. Ed.....
←Rate | 07-18-2012 13:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing about spanking a disobedient child in the supermarket is having absolutely no idea who’s child it is.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 08:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you "fall asleep right now".
←Rate | 09-16-2016 10:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonight on ABC World Wide: Police raid Biebers house, find whole slew of drugs, but no talent...
←Rate | 01-14-2014 17:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of people constantly complain about Monday's, Tuesday's and Wednesday's being the worst part of the week, I have discovered that with the right mix of Jack Daniels and sleeping pills those days no longer have to happen.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 11:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can't hear me through binoculars.
←Rate | 08-27-2012 11:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing angers me more than a prematurely broken shell in my Taco Kit
←Rate | 07-30-2012 16:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to have garage sales but as soon as anyone shows a slight interest in something I take it back into the house & look at it with pride.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 10:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you show up at my party with an acoustic guitar, that thing better be filled with onion dip.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4 shots of 5 hour energy this morning, not only do I look like I have Parkinsons, but I can actually see sound waves resonating when people talk to me.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 08:14 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just accused me of being big-headed and thinking I was better than I was. I nearly fell off my throne.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 13:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 10:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
←Rate | 05-10-2013 09:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can a slim chance and a fat chance mean the same thing
←Rate | 07-09-2011 09:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Lesson number 1, There is a time each month when a man would rather face death in a 20ft snow drift than spend a day with his significant other. Thank god for 4 wheel drive
←Rate | 02-03-2011 11:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 11:07 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's fun to go up to a dude with a teardrop tattoo and call him a crybaby.
←Rate | 09-10-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got fired from my job at Walmart, because every time a woman bought batteries, I winked and told them "I know what these are for!" Whatever.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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