Funny Status Messages Search

X Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-08-2012 19:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Sometimes I zone out and forget what I'm supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-11-2012 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-01-2013 14:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X May you be as happy as a person in an infomercial today.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-24-2010 17:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I learn from the mistakes of others who have taken my advice.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-11-2010 17:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Sometimes the dreams that come true are dreams you never even knew you had.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-23-2010 21:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I think this day just took a hard right onto WTF blvd...

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-12-2010 10:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-28-2010 14:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-05-2010 13:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X So if I don't kill you, I make you stronger? I really don't have any options here.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-06-2010 21:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X When push comes to shove, when the going gets tough, when all hell breaks loose and the sh*t hits the fan, and when all else has failed, it is I who will recite old movie quotes while waiting for somebody to do something useful.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-30-2012 14:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X My drunk neighbor says he was attacked by a big bat last night but I was actually using a golf club.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-17-2012 15:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-26-2011 16:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Seriously, if Liam Neeson was my dad I'd start so much crap with people...

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-15-2012 01:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X There are no winners in life... only survivors.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-30-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X The bearded lady, the guy with all the body piercings, the dude with 14 toes, the geek biting the chickens head off... Yep, I'm in WalMart.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-30-2012 14:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2012 00:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-28-2011 13:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X Now that you really think about it, you've never seen me and Batman in the same room have you?

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-19-2011 14:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)

X If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-16-2011 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)