Funny Status Messages Search

X Do you know how much more gas mileage my car would get if it didn't have to haul my fat ass around?

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-12-2011 12:20 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-03-2011 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I respect how the Hamburglar was like, "Hey, I know I'm at rock bottom here, but I'm going to be professional about it and wear a tie."

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-29-2013 12:43 by Aaron Comments (0)

X When in doubt, make the jerk-off hand motion.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-10-2011 14:02 by Aaron Comments (0)

X is The phrase "This sh*t is bananas" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-28-2011 14:11 by Aaron Comments (0)

X WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-26-2010 22:56 by Aaron Comments (2)

X Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-04-2011 21:54 by Aaron Comments (0)

X It's my dream to take a stretch limo to a drive thru, pay at the first window & pick up my food at the second window without moving my car.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-11-2011 14:46 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-25-2010 19:13 by Aaron Comments (4)

X If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-15-2011 11:59 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-07-2011 16:46 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Thats the last time I ever sleep with an elementary teacher. I woke up with a great job sticker on my stomach.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-09-2013 00:35 by Aaron Comments (0)

X It's kinda bullsh*t how humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-16-2011 22:31 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-04-2010 13:20 by Aaron Comments (1)

X I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-03-2012 14:37 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron Comments (0)

X For a lion to be a cannibal, he must first, swallow his pride.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2011 12:06 by Aaron Comments (0)

X No, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak welfare.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-23-2012 17:42 by Aaron Comments (2)

X Note to self: I think we should see other people.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-05-2010 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Guess I better get some sleep. I have to get up in 10 minutes.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-17-2012 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)