Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 12 of 5788

   messageicon Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones that need the advice?
←Rate | 02-01-2018 09:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is in everyone’s best interest to just keep scrolling
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tweet others the same way you want them to tweet you.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 12:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
←Rate | 05-14-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!! Comments (1)  


   messageicon I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna see awkward? Hand me a baby.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals you probably shouldn't invite me over.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take my irresponsibilities seriously.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FIFA refs should issue pink cards for flopping.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a galaxy 40 billion light years away some alien dude is saying, “but I’m not like the other guys,” while an alien lady rolls all 37 of her eyes.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 00:30 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left