snotty Funny Status Messages

   I'm not a soccer fan,, but if the St. Louis Steamers soccer team ever move to Cleveland,, I'm TOTALLY buying a jersey..

   I just bought some jokes from IKEA,,,, I'm still not sure how to put them together with this Hex Thingy......

   I'm also not a JETS fan,,, but on E-Bay, If I ever see a old, used,, Dirty Sanchez jersey,, I'm TOTALLY buying that too....

   HEY,,,I've already lined up an auctioneer to read my eulogy...... No one likes drawn out funerals.... You're welcome.

   BTW,, I won't walk a mile even in my own friggin shoes,,,, So,,

   Considering the odds are about the same, I think it would be nice if we let the people literally "struck by lightning",, be the lottery winners...

   Doing my taxes this morning was so frustrating that most of my refund will be heading right back into the swear jar.

   If you had a terrible childhood,,, you're gonna be REALLY-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.

   And speaking of my EX,, " Divorce is Strong with this one." >> Darth Vader, Marriage counselor..

   “Use divorce, Luke...” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

   HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?

   If I could pick one famous person, living or dead, to spend a day with, I'd pick Kim Kardashian,,and choose dead.

   My 3yo asked where the bathroom was at the park because he had to pee. I said Son,,, you're a boy....The world is your toilet..

   HEY!!,,,,,They're not letting me post during the intervention for my Facebook addiction.

   My blended dairy drink attracts young men to my yard & they proclaim its superiority to yours...I can give tutorage,, but require compensation.

   Batman has a lot of cool toys,, but if he uses anything but a laser pointer to catch Catwoman in the next movie,, I'll be really disappointed.

   The bad part about getting my hand stuck right now in a Pringles can is that I can't get it out,, because my other hand is stuck in a Pringles can.

   If I'm ever attacked by a gang of clowns, don't worry about me, cause I'll imediately "go for the juggler."

   God made everything + everything is made in China = God is Chinese???

   My dad thinks LOL stands for "Lots Of Love" and texted me "Dick Clark just passed . LOL"