lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Which means I have nineteen hours to do six months of flossing.

   One day, you come home and everything has changed, like the locks.

   With my iPad in my lap, I feel so fresh. All over.

   The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.

   I just committed the perfect crime. I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court. I pleaded insanity.

   A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   I'm as nervous as a postman at a dog show.

   Hard work never killed anyone but i'm hoping my boss will be the first.

   n't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil..

   I wonder that when a bird gets a blow to the head,does it see a circle of flying humans?

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

   I went to the bookshop and asked "How much are your "For Dummies" books?" The guy replied "How much ya got?"

   This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all

   When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate?

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.

   Of course,men can multitask. They read on the toilet.

   Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.