jitney Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When are they gonna start smoking marijuana?
←Rate | 02-02-2014 20:14 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well Skittles Stock just took a plunge, again!!
←Rate | 03-28-2012 17:29 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills!!! Her shittz going to fly!
←Rate | 08-14-2012 02:20 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Didn't realize their was alot of great looking women around here!" - Me hanging out at traffic school1
←Rate | 01-14-2014 20:36 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess I have to set my phone on OKC mode this weekend........No Rings!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 00:27 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.
←Rate | 02-14-2013 14:07 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Buying someone $1 lottery ticket as a gift and tell them ..."but what if you win".... and look at them light up, while hiding the fact giving them a dollar says they are not worth it!
←Rate | 12-18-2013 19:56 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon These days alot of celebrities are getting divorces. Micheal Jordan just got married, I wonder when the new Air Divorces are comming out?
←Rate | 04-30-2013 13:13 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eggs hide themselves when I tell them Chuck Norrris is coming!
←Rate | 04-08-2012 14:34 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Joan Rivers is an organ donor or a mannequin donor? ....
←Rate | 09-04-2014 21:25 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon She said: "I miss the old you." I know that she meant the young me
←Rate | 07-01-2015 21:31 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just like the Government....I feel shut-down when my wife talks too much too....
←Rate | 10-01-2013 11:26 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a pet hamster, my idiot brother put a sweater over it and next thing I know, Bam!!! dammm hamster is making millions and rap videos for KIA in my old hoodie!!! Can you imagine what this dog and cat are thinking.....
←Rate | 02-15-2012 12:14 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Im sitting on the bus minding my own business, until I pull out my Ipad...Long story short, I have 20 extra friends playing candy crush with me now!
←Rate | 07-03-2013 20:50 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe I should come out with my own sex scandal.....Elmo, Patreaus, Penn State, Arnold, Tiger, Clinton.
←Rate | 11-13-2012 14:16 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its like the Mayans knew this was coming........CIA has been compromise, No mo tickle me Elmo, and Slena went Str8 again
←Rate | 11-13-2012 19:58 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....
←Rate | 05-04-2013 13:44 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for
←Rate | 12-29-2016 10:35 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was in the elevator.... I pressed number 1. The elevator said with an attitude: "You're going down." F#¥k you Otis
←Rate | 03-06-2017 09:24 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 11:45 by jitney Comments (0)  

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