huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don't remember who you are.
←Rate | 09-13-2013 05:46 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spring-load me into my coffin. If grave robbers want my gold they have to climb the tree I land in.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:14 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to think this spider on my windshield during my morning commute is on his way to his own office job, too. I bet he's a web developer.
←Rate | 11-03-2016 05:51 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm ever found dead in the mountains with a pair of hiking sandals on my feet, know that I was murdered & made to wear some dork's shoes.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 07:37 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you think in China the forklifts are called chopstick lifts?
←Rate | 03-06-2013 07:44 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING: Study shows several boys not brought to the yard, despite allure of milkshake.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:10 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have 2 hairstyles – cute and homeless
←Rate | 09-23-2014 05:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
←Rate | 09-22-2014 05:34 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT: Cops love donuts.... just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 05:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to open a card: 1. Pretend to read card 2. Pretend to not look for money If money found: 3. Show gratitude OR 4. Feign gratitude
←Rate | 04-12-2013 06:04 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I believe in love at first sight, and love at last call.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 06:36 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon 4:43am Neighborhood Watch Report: my neighbor gets a super creepy look on his face when he's sleeping.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:36 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman's hat on it is not the button for a free fireman's hat.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry, I brought neither the noise or the funk today.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 05:00 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the "math" part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:44 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon The tv remote fell under the bed so I guess it’s TBS, on an uncomfortably high volume, for the next 5 years
←Rate | 03-24-2014 05:20 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sure someday I will go to a Chinese restaurant and be mature and able to resist doing Chopstick Walrus, but today is not that day.
←Rate | 07-29-2013 07:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by.
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:45 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanksgiving tip #23: Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-15-2016 20:47 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just being ambidextrous.
←Rate | 09-23-2013 05:33 by huck Comments (0)  

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