Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wonder if the CEO of Classmates.com cries every time he sees the word "Facebook."
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm back in the HR office today, apparently "Kill myself" was not an appropriate response when by boss asked me, "What would you do if you were me?"
←Rate | 05-25-2012 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a night of heavy drinkin' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
←Rate | 05-25-2011 08:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it.
←Rate | 11-28-2010 14:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (5)  


   messageicon "Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want that job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see an argument on Facebook, I sit there refreshing the page while thinking to myself, "This is gonna be good!"
←Rate | 06-23-2011 13:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's only fair to throw Monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my erection lasts longer than four hours, SHE's the one who's going to need to see a doctor
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: hard shell tacos, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking the the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 10:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook allows me to see what my life would look like if I had married my girlfriend that I had in my 20s. - Dodged a bullet there.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 21:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd be surprised how people get the words "f*ck off" confused with "please continue."
←Rate | 11-04-2011 10:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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