Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm back in the HR office today, apparently "Kill myself" was not an appropriate response when by boss asked me, "What would you do if you were me?"
←Rate | 05-25-2012 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a night of heavy drinkin' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if people were as nice to each other in real life as they were in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 09:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 15:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
←Rate | 05-25-2011 08:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it.
←Rate | 11-28-2010 14:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (5)  


   messageicon "Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I want that job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see an argument on Facebook, I sit there refreshing the page while thinking to myself, "This is gonna be good!"
←Rate | 06-23-2011 13:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's only fair to throw Monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my erection lasts longer than four hours, SHE's the one who's going to need to see a doctor
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: hard shell tacos, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking the the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does my phone insist on reminding me my battery is dying, wasting even more of my battery!
←Rate | 10-26-2010 13:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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