Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm back in the HR office today, apparently "Kill myself" was not an appropriate response when by boss asked me, "What would you do if you were me?"
←Rate | 05-25-2012 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't television shows say, "You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?"
←Rate | 09-04-2012 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop.
←Rate | 07-19-2012 15:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes its just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coming home drunk knocking things over and telling them to''shhhh!''
←Rate | 01-23-2013 20:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I signed into Facebook so I could find out where all my friends will be this weekend. I now have a list of places to avoid. Strategery, folks.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 16:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let certain people call me.
←Rate | 12-14-2010 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon If someone ever tells you "we need to talk" they dont care about anything you have to say.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
←Rate | 05-25-2011 08:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I want that job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see an argument on Facebook, I sit there refreshing the page while thinking to myself, "This is gonna be good!"
←Rate | 06-23-2011 13:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's only fair to throw Monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my erection lasts longer than four hours, SHE's the one who's going to need to see a doctor
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: hard shell tacos, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking the the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook allows me to see what my life would look like if I had married my girlfriend that I had in my 20s. - Dodged a bullet there.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 21:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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