Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Always have faith and believe in yourself........well... because... the rest of us think you're an idiot!!!

   There's no sense in crying over spilled milk....... Oh, it was beer? Carry on then. :(

   Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

   I am sick but I must say that I am extremely sexy with my hair all mushed up and my body glistening with Vicks rub...

   Not everyone can go down in history, but if you play your cards right...You can go down on me.

   No one cares about your problems. Take your clothes off.

   The universe is 14 billion years old. It seems silly to celebrate one year... Be like having a parade every time I take a piss.

   Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.

   Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.

   If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)

   I'm not sure what I hate most about rain. The fact that it's cold, it's wet, or it instantly turns everyone else on the road but you into a bad driver.

   The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.

   If Friday ever came up missing... than more than likely Monday had something to do with it!

   Believe me, I have been trying really hard to pay attention to what you have to say, but somehow, not giving a sh*t always gets in the way.

   Ran out of toilet paper... So I looked around for a suitable replacement. Found a box of Kleenex. Should've examined the box a little closer as it had an added bonus of Vicks Vapor Rub. Now the butt is icy hot. :/

   When someone says "I'll think about it," they're just trying to get you to stop talking. Also, the answer is "no."

   Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.

   I may be a 32 year OLD man with a slight belly in just a dirty white T-shirt and Hanes boxer briefs, but when I'm on my patio having a smoke I pose like I'm in Calvin Klein Photo Shoot.

   If you're easily offended, you'll want to skip over the post below... Actually, just skip all of mine. I don't want DoucheBags reading them anyway.

   It hurts me to see your "I'm in a relationship" status on Facebook.