Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 118 of 6369
I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.
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11-20-2016 13:01
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When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?
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03-30-2017 11:10 by Me E
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When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
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03-22-2017 23:22
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I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
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09-17-2020 07:48
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Half my Facebook friends have just become immigration lawyers within the past week!
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06-20-2018 18:04 by JeffW
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Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
Better vote right on all the left stuff and left on all the right stuff every ten minutes. I’m extremely immature.
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11-17-2017 02:30
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The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
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03-23-2018 12:03
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A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
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02-22-2017 07:38 by Anon
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Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet
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05-16-2017 09:51 by Dp
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From the size of the crowd I would say wrong again .
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06-19-2019 15:30
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Love may be blind, but It doesn't have to be stupid.
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07-01-2012 23:16
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Big misunderstanding: I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I wasn’t required to disrobe at a “Gender Reveal Party”.
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04-29-2019 07:21
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My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!
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12-11-2018 21:35
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An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.
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12-18-2018 21:51
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Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth
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01-09-2019 01:37
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If my dog has taught me anything it's if you're tired just lie down anywhere
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05-05-2019 13:04
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Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.
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06-01-2019 19:22
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Cable guys was just in my neighborhood, asked me what time it was.. I said between 8am-1pm..
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06-24-2019 15:41 by SEAN
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Epstein likes his women like he likes his scotch. 12 years old with coke.
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07-13-2019 23:07
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