bego Funny Status Messages

   Told my son to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend, I think she was seeing someone else.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   Longest minute of life: waiting for food to come out of the microwave...

   ■Nothing is forever. Especially people. Don't have your hopes high, Friends become strangers, Lovers become friends, & People leave.

   Ambulances and women have a lot in common… they both make a ton of noise to let you know they are coming!

   Some people are like fast food…they never look as good in real life as they do on TV.

   Just saw my auto insurance agent use a calculator to calculate 2017-2013 to show me it's been 4 years......... time for a new insurance company. 😅

   All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.

   Obama: I like Coke. Fox News: Obama has declared war on Pepsi.

   I love when bicthes make status about how much the hate b**ches

   So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

   We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police

   Kim Kardashian is 32 & she's pregnant, but y'all hoes be 16 with 4 kids and no baby daddy.. & y'all calling her a s?ut? PLEASE, have a seat.

   Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are damn footprints on the moon.

   No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   Did you know you that you don’t have to put every meal you eat on Instagram? You can just eat it.

   I really hope 2015 is a better year.

   Hey North Korea. Do you even lift bro?