bego Funny Status Messages

   Smart phones, smart cars, smart everything... Where are all the smart people?

   If you wear Hollister past seventh grade I'm just gonna assume you enjoy the taste of another man's schlong.

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

   Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.

   Best prank call ever: "Hello, Dominos?"... "Yes, how may I help you?"... "What's the number to call Pizza Hut?"

   Somebody needs to start a restaurant called "Chick-Fil-Atheist" that's only open on Sunday.

   Seriously, there's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

   Best childhood memory? Falling asleep on the couch, then waking up in your bed the next morning..

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Facebook = Star Wars, Twitter = Empire Strikes Back, Google+ = Return of the Jedi. MySpace = Stupid prequels.

   Whenever someone posts something like, “Just went on a massive friend-deleting spree!,” I'm never quite sure whether to feel like a winner for making the cut or a loser for having friends lame e

   I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.

   I don't need damn a brain, I have google.

   A wife is somebody who won't tell you what to do but will get mad when you don't do what she wanted you to do.

   You know what I really hate? When I miss someones call by a few minutes and when I call back they don't answer

   People say best friends are hard to find. That's because the best one's already mine.

   They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...should we give that a try?

   All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.

   Just saw my auto insurance agent use a calculator to calculate 2017-2013 to show me it's been 4 years......... time for a new insurance company. 😅