bego Funny Status Messages

   You're inspirational Facebook update: ❒Inspires me. ✔Wastes my time. ✔ Inspires me to unfriend you.

   "instagram are you okay?" "yeah i'm vine" "what was that" "i said i'm fine"

   I saw a piece of s$it on the ground yesterday. It reminded me of you.

   I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no B$tch, I'd also like all this invisible sh$t...

   Facebook: someone added a photo of you.. Me: fu?k

   It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.

   Baby, are you Jealous? "No..." "Babe, you Jealous?" "NO!" "Baby, can I get a kiss?" "GO AND GET A KISS FROM THE H$E THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS!"

   HIGH SCHOOL made everyone either cool , uncool , bisexual , real , fake , pregnant , dropouts , alcoholics , pot heads or somewhere in jail.

   Good girls get presents at Christmas. Bad girls get presents all year long.

   I should be noticed as a hero, I save lives EVERY DAY...because there are people who need to be shot and I don't shoot them.

   f your ex texts you, its probably because they tried to replace you, but failed.

   If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   Hey girl, how about you dont tell me how much beer I should drink, and I wont tell you how much makeup you should wear.

   Kanye West calls Thanksgiving You're Welcome Day.

   "Mom I'm Pregnant" White Mom: "WE HAVE TO GET YOU ON 16 & PREGNANT!" Black Mom: " I Done Told Yo Fast Ass Sleepin Around , We Going To Maury"

   I sprayed a spider with axe body spray to kill it but now its name is chad and he is f$cking all the girl spiders in my house.

   When a girl says "lol have fun." do NOT have fun. Abort mission. Repeat Abort Mission.

   Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts

   Dear Whoever decided when breakfast is over at McDonalds..... F$CK YOU!