bego Funny Status Messages

   The real reason women live longer than men is because they don't have to live with women.

   The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.

   Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it was invented anywhere else, it woulda been called a "teethbrush."

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???

   So they legalize marijuana and then get rid of Twinkies? Is our government playing some kind of cruel joke on us?

   Some girls are like a phone call from a private caller... you can pick it up, but chances are they just want money.

   Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things

   I live for two reasons… 1. I was born. 2. I haven’t died yet.

   Well,today was a total waste of your makeup

   Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"

   I may be fat, but you're ugly – I can lose weight!

   respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable

   My Cousin in Jail just asked me to update his Facebook Relationship Status to "Its Complicated!" ...Man just say you Gay!

   LIKE IF: your best friends like your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.

   Transparency: The ability to see within another's heart ... all strengths & weaknesses ... and to accept everything unconditionally.

   A secret is something you tell to one person at a time.

   The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

   I am generally caught off guard when people have their cell phone ringer turned on..

   I want to ask some people, "How do you take dumps when s$it comes out of your mouth 24/7?

   Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to seriously.