BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question

   A dog is always glad to see you when you get home. A cat just looks at you like "What are you doing here?

   When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.

   I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally butt dialed me.

   Mentally preparing yourself to step out of the shower during winter.

   It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

   Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.

   I don’t know who invented Nutella, but I’m going to assume they went to Hogwart’s.

   The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"

   Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

   I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.

   Okay everyone hold.... HOLD... we will slide down and all attack at once!" - Ice cubes in the bottom of a cup.

   Oh, you're engaged and in high school? I'm sure your marriage will last forever.

   The less you give a damn, the happier you will be.

   I don't have a problem with idiots… I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection.

   Break-ups aren't always meant for make-ups, sometimes they're meant for wake-ups.

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss.

   Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in Highschool. Too bad about the rest of your life though.

   When Facebook starts showing how many times you viewed somebody\'s profile, were all damn screwed.