SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 11:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Pringles, it's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed.
←Rate | 08-27-2012 11:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if those guys who ordered that white boy to play funky music until he died ever got arrested.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you leave your phone unattended around me there is a good chance I will send a text to all of your contacts that says "I have recently turned gay."
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Punxsutawney Phil did not see Manti Te'o's girlfriend either today.
←Rate | 02-02-2013 11:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reasons why Alcohol should be served at work...its an incentive to show up
←Rate | 11-28-2010 08:31 by Sean Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: clean up ur room! We're having guests over for dinner Me: sorry, I didn't realize we were having dinner in my room.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next Fast and the Furious should just be two hours of a guy doing steroids inside of a Nissan Cube.
←Rate | 05-28-2013 14:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm not with my kid and someone asks me "Where's the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear washing machine, I am all for fighting breast cancer, in-fact I have offered to be a buddy for the buddy check, but turning my socks pink… Come on!
←Rate | 10-18-2010 08:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm too embarrassed to tell you how many times I've mistaken insulation for cotton candy.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 11:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says you're out of shape like getting winded while vacuuming.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 11:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was pulled over for driving a Ford Tempo without a cigarette in my mouth.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations to Iggy Pop who has managed to find a way to look great for his age and terrible for his age at the same time.
←Rate | 08-21-2012 15:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a thesaurus at Goodwill, I got home to discover all the pages are blank, I have no words to describe how angry I am...
←Rate | 11-02-2016 12:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I have 37 pairs of shoes, 23 purses, 9 pairs of sunglasses & an overflowing closet but how dare you waste $200 on that stupid toy!" - Women
←Rate | 10-17-2012 14:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes
←Rate | 03-13-2012 11:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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