Funny Status Messages for Facebook
A huge collection of status updates for your facebook, twitter, or myspace profiles.Become a fan of Tjshome.com on Facebook
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X is
I dont see why facebook feels the need to notify me everyday that some of you have changed your profile picture. Unless your naked...I dont give a sh%t
X
Alzheimers: You wake up and wonder who's sleeping next to you, where you are, what you did the night before, why you're naked..... kinda like college, isn't it?
X
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
X
It sucks when I decide something's not too hot for me to bring it across the room without an oven mitt, and finding out halfway there that I was wrong.
X
Sigh. Guess it's time to go do some grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself inside our fridge and left a note "can't live like this"
X
It's funny how fast you can wake up when you realize you've overslept.
X
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least,that's what the restraining order says.
X
saw a sign in the hospital the other day that read "Family Planning - Use rear entrance" ........ good advice I thought
X says
Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? its giving me a false sense of anxiety...
X
I can't watch Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars. Whenever they swing her around the dance floor, I'm scared more babies will fly out!
X
When something good happens You drink to celebrate. When something bad happens You drink to forget. When nothing happens You drink because you want something to happen.
X
"We are upping our standards... so up yours!"
X says
You've been dating for 2 days - you don't love each other.... Shutup!
X
I'm pretty sure "No strings attached" is guy code for "I'm emotionally retarded, but your vagina sounds neat!"
X has
finally learnt how to correctly pronounce Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull Volcano: aisle-fukk-y'all....
X says
**Warning** It turns out Farmville is a virus that will eat your life away. Side effects are all your friends hate you because of your tacky updates & you’re getting fatter from sitting online all day playing. Delete it ASAP and stop being a Tool.
X
I liked you until you farted and turned the MUSIC up like it was gonna cover the smell.
X is
Aw sh!t…im the only black person in my african studies class. This could be awkward…
X
What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS? A bi*ch who will track you down
X
I just figured out that my asshole neighbor is using my Wi-Fi network. I'm gonna change the networks name to "I f*cked your wife".
