Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am tired of being judged by my color by people who complain of being judged by theirs
←Rate | 08-23-2017 21:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
←Rate | 06-18-2012 22:16 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.
←Rate | 07-03-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last year I joined a group for antisocial people. We haven't had a meeting yet.
←Rate | 03-10-2017 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all have faults. It's just that mine are better than yours.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:29 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it's worth.
←Rate | 06-22-2017 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my recliner go way back.
←Rate | 05-05-2017 15:28 by Aerotim Comments (1)  


   messageicon Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not that I mind the neighbors having a cadaver dog. It's just that it keeps digging in my backyard.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon cooking tip: if your tired of always having to boil water everytime you have to make pasta,boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.......your welcome!
←Rate | 07-31-2017 09:52 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
←Rate | 08-01-2017 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
←Rate | 08-22-2017 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't tickle the dragon unless you're ready for the fire.
←Rate | 09-20-2017 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the best thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself. What's the worst thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 21:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Red wine pairs beautifully with procrastination.
←Rate | 09-22-2017 22:58 by Jergim Comments (0)  


   messageicon In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather but there are no cows.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 08:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone tells me "things could always be worse", I try to be optimistic and reply "things could always be better." That's the power of positive thinking, right?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it was a rough night when your IPhone doesn't recognize you in the morning.
←Rate | 11-19-2017 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel sorry for the last man on earth. A lot of women really hate that guy.
←Rate | 10-26-2017 22:26 Comments (0)  



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