Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The real gems are the woman who knew Yoda before he was turned into a baby.
←Rate | 01-26-2020 08:20 by @mr_ryan_red Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know what goes great with the Corona Virus? Lyme Disease.
←Rate | 01-26-2020 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're alone and sad for Valentine's Day, to make you feel better just remember that for the love of a woman Saint Valentine was imprisoned then beat to death with clubs :-)
←Rate | 01-25-2020 12:26 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I go gas for a $1.49, but its too bad it was at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 01-25-2020 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking at my kitchen junk drawer I think I finally have enough miscellaneous things accumulated to build a spaceship to get off this rock!
←Rate | 01-25-2020 09:34 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just been reading a letter from my Chinese penpal in Wuhan and apparently they hav
←Rate | 01-25-2020 09:12 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night.
←Rate | 01-25-2020 07:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to know what cereal you don't have ask one of the kids what they want for breakfast.
←Rate | 01-25-2020 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The part in Temple Of Doom where she reaches in the hole full of bugs, but me reaching into a pot of cold water in the sink to grab a fork.
←Rate | 01-25-2020 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Can I get a umm...” -every person ever at the drive thru
←Rate | 01-25-2020 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "If during your medical exam your doctor says I need to google this...... It's time to get a new doctor."
←Rate | 01-25-2020 00:12 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the judge told Mickey he couldn't grant his divorce from Minnie just because you say she crazy. Mickey said, I didn't say she crazy..... I said she's f***ing Goofy.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 23:28 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon "A trail of clothes leading up to a bedroom before marriage ment a night of pashionate love making. Now it means you dropped them on your way from the dryer.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 22:59 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm one smooth operator until I have to get onto an escalator. Then it's more like a baby giraffe finding its legs.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I end up getting the Coronavirus, I’d prefer to have it on the beach with a lime
←Rate | 01-24-2020 11:32 by cpaman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to a movie the first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you, so nobody can sit there.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 09:08 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bless the millions that will be attending the March for Life in DC today, with our President.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 07:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I guess I’ll take four dollars Wendy’s Drive thru cashier: That’s not how the dollar menu works
←Rate | 01-24-2020 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You've probably already heard that Mr. Peanut died. But, don't worry. He'll be back in a Jif.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 06:31 Comments (0)  

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