Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating

Search Messages:
Page: 11 of 6373

   messageicon Taylor Swift is worth $1.1 billion, yet you imbeciles let her live inside your skulls rent free.
←Rate | 01-29-2024 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.
←Rate | 01-29-2024 05:55 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with autocorrect is that it often makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.
←Rate | 01-28-2024 10:52 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chewbacca's redneck cousin is Chewstobacco
←Rate | 01-27-2024 20:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Left wants everything in the world to be electric or run on batteries? Start with the border wall!
←Rate | 01-26-2024 17:18 by X Comments (0)  

   messageicon The TV show 'Hoarders' is ok and all but I liked it so much better when it was called 'Sanford and Son'.
←Rate | 01-26-2024 10:58 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when I eat my last bite of food, not realizing it was the last bite,then immediately get sad because I wasn't able to mentally prepare myself. πŸ₯“πŸ•πŸ”πŸ²πŸ˜₯
←Rate | 01-25-2024 21:25 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I've made a lot mistakes in my life, but just know you were never one of them" -ME (looking at my triple bacon cheeseburger...extra bacon).
←Rate | 01-25-2024 11:28 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon I kept staring at the orange juice carton too long because it said "Concentrate"!
←Rate | 01-25-2024 09:47 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know how we smack your household appliances when they’re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
←Rate | 01-25-2024 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every drop of water on earth has been through multiple kidneys at this point.
←Rate | 01-24-2024 15:28 by Darkharbinger Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket and that you're a really good catch!
←Rate | 01-24-2024 05:58 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hoes be looking for guys with the same initials as there x. So they don't have to edit they tattoos . Lol
←Rate | 01-23-2024 11:39 by JIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  

   messageicon Transginger. I don't have red hair, But I'll think could rock it.
←Rate | 01-23-2024 11:38 by JIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  

   messageicon I smell pizza. I think I'm having a Little Seizure
←Rate | 01-23-2024 11:38 by JIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  

   messageicon Working 5 days a week just to be free for 48hrs just doesn't sit right with me.
←Rate | 01-23-2024 05:53 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Transgender
←Rate | 01-23-2024 00:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is there enough asphalt for speed bumps but not enough to fill potholes?
←Rate | 01-22-2024 11:08 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon my name jeff
←Rate | 01-21-2024 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a monkey
←Rate | 01-21-2024 21:23 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left