Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon *Sign outside a brothel that read "It's a business doing pleasure with you."
←Rate | 07-31-2018 22:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll bet people with Tourette's make awful anatomy teachers!!
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:29 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon LOL! My neighbor swears she was anally probed by an alien last night...... BTW, Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:25 by BobbyT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Losing your wife can be difficult. I know because I've been trying to lose mine for years.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pretty sure Crest just makes up siht wrong with our teeth to sell more of their crap.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 16:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 14:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon if prison is "behind bars" , why don't people cal l the warden the "bar tender" ?
←Rate | 07-31-2018 12:20 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon odd that R. Kelly has a 19 minutes song ... usually he doesnt likes it over 18 ...
←Rate | 07-31-2018 10:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to view a house on a Native American reservation! "I like it" I said "Does it come with running water?" "Go to Hell Paleface" He replied.."Get your own wife!"
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:22 by Truman Comments (1)  

   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump Anxiety Disorder covered by Obamacare?
←Rate | 07-30-2018 21:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon I could probably sleep my way to the top....if sleeping actually had anything to do with it that is to say.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amendment to the 2nd. The right of the people to keep and bear plastic straws shall not be infringed. You can’t shoot paper through paper.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 18:32 by JerryW Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry for squirting in your face... Says no female ever.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 15:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can my plus one to a wedding be a dog?
←Rate | 07-30-2018 15:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Magic Johnson wasted the world's best porn name on a basketball career
←Rate | 07-30-2018 15:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Quit hating people because of race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation! Join me in hating people just because they are people!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 14:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who ever stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 14:49 by Jake Comments (0)  

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