Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?
←Rate | 07-17-2020 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe B. always looks like he suffers from an intestinal parasite.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 09:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ejaculate and evacuate
←Rate | 07-17-2020 09:03 by Kamey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were a rat, I wouldn't give my ass either.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Think my cat might be depressed. She just told me she's thinking about getting a cat.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was a roofer I'd go around saying I'm single and ready to shingle.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are they called bars and not alcohalls?
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wanna come over? I have pizza and toilet paper
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we do get this coronavirus vaccine, it better not just be cake.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like holding doors open for people who aren’t close and watch them do that goofy power walk.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 08:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had known the kind of people my classmates would grow up to be. I would have beaten a lot more of them up.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligees. [Unfortunately,she was just coming home]
←Rate | 07-17-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone wake up Joe to come see this...
←Rate | 07-17-2020 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Lysol commercial said I should disinfect what I touch the most but I have a feeling that's gonna burn.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 21:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone tried going back to the ice bucket challenge to fix 2020?
←Rate | 07-16-2020 16:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I ever choke to death on Gummy Bears, please make sure it goes on record that I was killed by Bears.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought a Joe B¡den watch on QVC. I has liver spotted hands and is running out of time.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 11:38 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe B¡den looks like he smells like pee.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 07:18 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife's face is all black and blue because she didn't listen to me. The last thing I said was "Honey! Watch out for that lamp post!"
←Rate | 07-16-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now I speak with a strange axe scent.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 06:36 Comments (0)  

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