Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I've been on in 4 years.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal Me: Family?
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can feel my gut hanging out of my t-shirt but it's hidden by my hoodie so basically my secret identity is Winnie the Pooh.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had a pet unicorn, I'd probably just use it to carry my donuts around.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!
←Rate | 10-21-2018 05:44 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drink beer while you can still afford it.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's trump's favorite cereal? Cheeri O's, the cereal made for little hands.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 01:40 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q: What do "Deadliest Catch" and "Jersey Shore" have in common? A: They're two reality TV shows about catching crabs.
←Rate | 10-20-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon instead of talking about who people whould vote for, maybe gef off social media and actually go put and vote if you want change
←Rate | 10-20-2018 19:57 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 16:59 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon First rule of Fight Club: Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!
←Rate | 10-20-2018 16:14 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is strength in loyalty; not in numbers.
←Rate | 10-20-2018 10:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The key to success is concentration, a skill which can be learned with - oh wow, that cloud looks like Snoopy!
←Rate | 10-20-2018 09:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just bought a new Jeep. I named it Elizabeth Warren because it's all white yet says it's a Cherokee.
←Rate | 10-20-2018 05:42 by Bogushontas Comments (0)  

   messageicon 70% of Georgia 53,000 block voters are people of color. what a surprise.
←Rate | 10-20-2018 03:28 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Bet if the block voters wore MAGA hats, they would not of had a problem registering to vote.
←Rate | 10-20-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The guy in charge of running the election (kemp) in Georgia is also running in the Georgia election. Mmmm I wonder who will win ?
←Rate | 10-20-2018 01:56 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Come on people, does your vote really count? Or is it just a big con?
←Rate | 10-20-2018 01:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
←Rate | 10-19-2018 19:50 Comments (0)  

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