huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Keep calm and massively overuse a slogan
←Rate | 02-27-2014 05:26 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON"
←Rate | 07-01-2013 06:36 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Need to get up early tomorrow so I've set my neighbor's leaf blower for 6 a.m.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 06:59 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!
←Rate | 10-02-2012 06:11 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:47 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:16 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't talk to myself. My dog is generally around.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 05:15 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got done doing 5 sets of diddly squats.
←Rate | 03-06-2013 07:11 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:02 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if there is a secret feud between rocket scientists and brain surgeons.
←Rate | 03-23-2013 05:56 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
←Rate | 08-12-2014 05:31 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.
←Rate | 05-29-2014 05:03 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
←Rate | 10-01-2014 05:24 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:40 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon And Eli Manning smiles quietly to himself. Knowing he will be the Manning with the most Super Bowl wins
←Rate | 02-02-2014 23:07 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Boss: So, tell me your greatest weakness Me: Honesty Boss: I don't think that's a weakness Me: I don't really care what you think.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 06:10 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon the fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My biggest fear is dying and becoming a ghost that has to go around and get people to try my blueberry cereal.
←Rate | 01-25-2013 09:01 by Huck Comments (1)  

   messageicon You'd think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it's a guy in a costume every time.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 05:35 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic.
←Rate | 07-20-2013 08:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

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