hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Can someone help me with this? I wanted some homemade honey, but I don't know how many bees to put in this blender...so far it tastes horrible.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 19:46 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt. I said: Don't live, you might die..
←Rate | 12-07-2012 04:59 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started an Alcohol Free Diet today. So if its Free, I drink it.
←Rate | 01-22-2012 09:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.
←Rate | 12-02-2012 03:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only people who still leave voicemail messages are bill collectors and moms.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 04:45 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a penny today and it reminded me of my ex...worthless and in everybody's pants.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:20 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got arrested today for feeding some homeless guys on the street, and to top it all off, the cops broke my potato gun.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 11:32 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you posted that worthless legal disclaimer on your Facebook page, you might also want to spray paint your name on your garbage cans.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 05:06 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being single is great! Except for the paying for everything yourself part.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 18:32 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why I wear thick, fluffy socks: 1% Comfort 1% Warmth 98% Increased ability to slide across floor like a fricken ninja on an invisible surfboard
←Rate | 01-14-2012 08:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
←Rate | 01-04-2012 05:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:47 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see someone using a payphone, there is a 97% chance you can buy drugs from them.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 05:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate looking for a job almost as much I hate not having a job almost as much as I hate working. It's complicated.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 18:50 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew she was "Trouble" from the moment the announcer at the strip club introduced her as so.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 19:51 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Global warming sucks but I'm kind of looking forward to riding a jet ski to work every day.
←Rate | 12-31-2011 04:15 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was younger, I grew up in a theme park! The theme of the park was trailer.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 17:30 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a guy in jean shorts I feel sad that he has nobody in his life to say, "You really shouldn't wear those."
←Rate | 09-15-2012 12:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pay a 55-year-old chain-smoking divorcee named Babs to sit nearby and drink beer, Wii Bowling gets a lot more realistic.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 08:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Christmas I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 18:14 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  




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