SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Screw it, I'm answering any and all questions today with "As you wish".

   Sometimes when I say "I guess" I'm not really guessing. Feels good to finally clear the air.

   I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle.

   I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone's lawns so freshly mowed.

   I believe in love. I also believe in Superman and The Force.

   Watch out! It's quite possible some of my best mistakes haven't been made yet.

   There's some consolation in the fact that even though your dreams haven't come true.... neither have your nightmares.

   Bring a bolt to an amusement park. Get on a roller coaster with a person who looks terrified. When the ride starts, hold up the bolt and say, "Wait...where did this come from?"

   Ever want to click on someones status and edit it for them?

   Hey, people who name things. Good job on "waiting room." Really spot on.

   I have been watching the Texas Rangers the entire postseason and not once has Walker got to play....

   A journey of ten feet begins with a single “Where the #%!= is the remote?”

   Lazy is a strong word. I prefer to say that the stars are reaching for me.

   Who's this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?

   Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.

   Ugh. Do I really need to register to your website to leave a comment? I just need to disagree with this assh0le real quick.

   WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.

   A new study found a midday doughnut is good for the part of the brain that fabricates studies to rationalize a midday doughnut.

   It's safe to assume more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.

   Who else is hiding in the bathroom at their mom's house drinking?